A Long Thought About Divorce

I’ve always wondered why the scripture didn’t spell out in detail why “God hates divorce”. (Malachi 2:16) From this passage we can know surely because divorce is a violent act. (This chapter uses the words “treacherous” & “violence”. Ooooo.) But I have been living in a country plagued with divorce long enough to figure that there are other reasons besides how a woman is treated to hate divorce. I shall now offer my humble opinion:

1. The “violence” to the spouse.
Today’s spouse may say of the other, “I don’t love them anymore. They don’t love me.” & that is sufficient grounds for a divorce. After all, should that person have to live in a home where love is not given? Should that person be required to resist all happiness that stems from the realm of romance?
Malachi chapter two lets us know that divorce is a sparkly, pretty cloth. Its “legal” & that makes it alright. It’s a perfect covering for the ugly, gory, bloody ripping apart of a marriage.
I’ve NEVER seen a divorce be nonchalant. Even for the spouse that the scripture gave them a “right” to divorce. (Matthew 19:9 “except it be for fornication”.) Even for that one who is disgusted by their spouse's choices of immorality. Even they are left mutilated by the ravages of divorce.

2. The affect on the children.
Need I say more?! I’ve seen children live with fighting, brawling parents turn out with a stronger disposition & greater confidence than kids who’ve gone through a divorce. (I don’t mean physical fights. I mean loud, shouting matches.) I’m not saying that it’s a good thing for children to have to live in an environment where parents yell at & degrade each other all the time. But I am saying that as difficult as that is for a child, divorce is a million times worse. I don’t have enough time or space to go in to all the negative affects divorce has on kids… Thank God, I don’t have enough time or space.

3. The affect on extended family.
“Oh, what?! Are you kidding me? We’ve got to consider in-laws, & aunts, & cousins?”
Yep. And Nieces, and nephews… & the list goes on. Why is it no one ever thinks about how a sister-in-law is going to explain to her children why Uncle won’t be around the tree for Christmas? The ideas divorce conveys concerning lack of worth in astounding. We instill in people’s mind that they are unvalued when they are “just a niece”, or “her grandparents”, or “his Aunt”. These people are FAM-I-LY! They have spend time worrying about you. If you’re lucky enough, praying for you. They spend time, when they could be living care-free, pondering your difficulties! I read sometime ago about a certain culture (I wish I could remember who this was!) that the couple’s first month of marriage was spent moving from house to house of their new family. They’d spend a week with Uncle Joe, a few nights at a cousin's, a week with the parents or grandparents. The purpose of this was to instill the understanding in the young couple’s mind that they were a part of something much bigger than themselves. They were not two independent decision makers. Everything they did affected the entire family. How true it is!

4. The future family.
So, you just HAVE to divorce that lousy, no-good-for-nothin' spouse. And life is going to be PERFECT with your soul-mate, who is out there, somewhere, right now looking for you!
This stems from a phone call I received many years ago. My friend who had been in an unhappy, selfish marriage, was divorced by her husband (who had been cheating on her!) She was now remarried to a man who literally served her. They are still married and he is a joy to behold. His love for her is like Christ’s love for the church, truly. I answered the phone with the normal, “Hello?” and the first words I heard were a sobbed out,
“Now I know why God hates divorce!”
She commenced to tell me all about her husband’s ex-wife’s annoyances. The jealousies she felt toward this woman. The trials of dealing with “his & mine”. Before she had to concern herself with getting her children to two sets of grandparents houses for holidays, now she delicately scheduled the kids to be at FOUR sets of grandparents! Of course sometimes “his ex” was responsible for getting “his” kids to "her" parents, but if it wasn’t on the exact day they wanted it was a big fight. The children were played like pieces on a chess board.
After listening for quite some time I had the audacity to open my big trap & say, “I hate to tell you this, but once your grandkids come you’ll be dealing with “his ex” even more!”
I should have been shot on the spot for that remark.
But its true! In the moment, all a suffering spouse can think of is getting a divorce. “Surely a divorce will make life peaceful again! Surely a divorce will allow some joy to enter my life again!”
Perhaps there will be happiness again. But with that happiness may come even more difficult surroundings.

So, is a person to stay in an abusive marriage? NO! NO! NO! Leave that spouse TODAY and go get some help and protection.

Is a person to stay in a loveless marriage?

…maybe.

You should weigh out all the possibilities and decide which ones you can live with best.

Most importantly, make sure that you study the scripture to know what God has to say about divorce. After all, crossing my opinions is no big deal. I won’t strike you with lightening. I won’t write nasty things about you. I’ll just let you go on… being WRONG! (just kidding.)

But seriously, you don’t want to cross God’s opinions. Will he strike you with lightening? Will he write nasty things about you? Truly, the Bible does show him doing that sometimes, but I don’t imagine him to do that to you. However, it may make it harder in your own mind to have an open relationship with your Creator; and personally, there is no punishment harder to deal with than that.