Love is patient, love is kind, and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, 5 does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, 6 does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Don't ask yourself is this describes your spouse's actions toward you, but rather, your actions toward your spouse.
Love is NOT a feeling. Feelings are nice, but they are merely chemical reactions in your body. No, love is not a feeling, IT IS A CHOICE! You CHOOSE to humble yourself & show patience, kindness, not be provoked, and all the other attributes 1 Corinthians 13 shows us.
Make this Valentines Day one of TRUE love. One of forgiveness. One of DECISIONS.
And don't forget that when the decision to love is more difficult than you can bear; GOD IS LOVE. Seek his face & he will help you.
Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts
Friday, February 13, 2009
Monday, January 26, 2009
Happy Are the Peacemakers
It is vital that we human beings to live in a peaceful environment. When a person is fearful of another, or anger is constantly triggered, or they abide in an anxious environment more than an unpleasant emotion is experienced. The adrenal glands flood the body with stress hormones, such as adrenaline and cortisol. The brain shunts blood away from the gut and towards the muscles, in preparation for physical exertion. Heart rate, blood pressure and respiration increase, the body temperature rises and the skin perspires. The inside of your body begins to work hard even if all you’re doing is sitting in a chair! You, your family, your coworkers could begin to experience health problems directly stemming from a lack of peace in your environment. Studies have shown that the constant flood of stress chemicals that accompany recurrent unmanaged anger, fear, etc. can eventually cause harm to many different systems of the body. Some health problems include:
Headache
Digestion problems, such as abdominal pain
Insomnia
Increased anxiety
Depression
High blood pressure
Skin problems, such as eczema
Heart attack
Stroke
Jesus demonstrated to us how to create a peaceful environment one day while taking a boat ride. While he slept a storm erupted that scared his fellow travelers out of their minds. Then they woke him up. Please allow me to view Jesus through my own perspective. Since I really, really do not l like to be awakened I think Jesus was not happy about being brought out of his slumber. I know, all you morning lovers see Jesus as springing from his cot with a wide-spread stretch and hustle to get on the job. But not me and I ‘m pretty sure Jesus pretended to keep sleeping for a couple seconds to see if they’d go away. When they didn’t, he opened his eyes to a bare minimum, a tiny slit that allowed his facial muscles to register annoyance with a hint of “pity me”. When they pulled on him enough he got up and did not stretch, for that would ruin ANY hope of actually being able to fall back to sleep, & of course that’s exactly what he intended to do. (According to my way of thinking.) As he shuffled, eyes still in slit mode, irritation finally made its way to his throat when he realized that the spray of water would definitely ruin his chances of falling back into the blissful slumber he had been so enjoying. A low guttural growl finally brings him to the awareness of the situation.
Of course the disciples had never heard the Sunday school story about Jesus calming the storms. His followers didn’t have a New Testament KJV, NIV, or TLB to read. Here they were treading water in their boat, likely bailing their heads off while Jesus is napping! When they said (Mark 4:38) “Don’t you care if we drown?” They didn’t think he would actually calm the storm; they simply wanted him to join their bailing efforts! This was an “all hands on deck” situation and no one likes to watch someone else take a luxurious nap while they’re working hard! Misery loves company, as they say. But Jesus wasn’t about to join their drama. Jesus refused to be pulled in by their fear. He was not going to allow himself to be sucked in to their frenzy.
Mark 4:39 He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, "Quiet! Be still!" Then the wind died down and it was completely calm. NIV
I have heard my whole life that Jesus will bring calm to my storm. And he has, does & will continue to intervene in my life’s storms. But Jesus did not intend to calm storms for those disciples anymore. He said to them, “Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?" Faith to do what? FOR CALMING YOUR OWN STORM! Christ said that with faith we can move mountains; why couldn’t we calm a storm too? There is a beautiful song that I have sung for many years that says, “I know the Peace speaker. I know him by name.” I’ll sing the song many more times. It ministers & brings hope. But I have come to the conclusion that I do indeed “know the peace speaker.” I truly know the name of the “peace speaker”; for my life it is, Denee Elaine Richardson! For your life the peace speaker is none other than yourself.
The famous, King James Version phrase says, “Blessed are the peacemakers.” The Living Bible puts Matthew 5:9 like this, “Happy are those who strive for peace.” If we want a peaceful home we must use our God-given authority and demand it be so! When our children are fighting among themselves we have got to step into that storm and say, “Be quiet! Be still!” When we find ourselves continually bickering with our spouse we’ve got to tell them, “Be quiet!” NOT REALLY! (That would be the fight to end it all, for sure!) But you’ve truly got to tell someone to be quiet and still; yourself. You know one of the meanings of the word “peace” is, “to be friendly, to make amends, end, finish.” At some point you’ve got to face the facts that your marriage, your social life, or your work environment is one big storm and everybody is bailing frantically to save their own skin. That bailing comes out in spiteful words, or haughty looks. Its hard work and you may either be bailing along with everybody, or found a of a type of slumber, a way to tune everybody out. Well, your slumber just may be adding to the problem. Don’t bail and don’t sleep. Instead walk to the front of that ship and say “Be quiet!” by sending a note of appreciation to a co-worker. Say “Be still.” with flowers and an apology to a spouse. Demand peace by playing a game with your children. Strive for peace by humbling yourself.
Happy are those who STRIVE for peace. Indeed, creating a peaceful environment requires some work. You will have to exert yourself vigorously. You’ll have to try hard. The job is sometimes strenuous. But the end result is happiness.
Jesus will bring peace to your storm, but so can you.
Headache
Digestion problems, such as abdominal pain
Insomnia
Increased anxiety
Depression
High blood pressure
Skin problems, such as eczema
Heart attack
Stroke
Jesus demonstrated to us how to create a peaceful environment one day while taking a boat ride. While he slept a storm erupted that scared his fellow travelers out of their minds. Then they woke him up. Please allow me to view Jesus through my own perspective. Since I really, really do not l like to be awakened I think Jesus was not happy about being brought out of his slumber. I know, all you morning lovers see Jesus as springing from his cot with a wide-spread stretch and hustle to get on the job. But not me and I ‘m pretty sure Jesus pretended to keep sleeping for a couple seconds to see if they’d go away. When they didn’t, he opened his eyes to a bare minimum, a tiny slit that allowed his facial muscles to register annoyance with a hint of “pity me”. When they pulled on him enough he got up and did not stretch, for that would ruin ANY hope of actually being able to fall back to sleep, & of course that’s exactly what he intended to do. (According to my way of thinking.) As he shuffled, eyes still in slit mode, irritation finally made its way to his throat when he realized that the spray of water would definitely ruin his chances of falling back into the blissful slumber he had been so enjoying. A low guttural growl finally brings him to the awareness of the situation.
Of course the disciples had never heard the Sunday school story about Jesus calming the storms. His followers didn’t have a New Testament KJV, NIV, or TLB to read. Here they were treading water in their boat, likely bailing their heads off while Jesus is napping! When they said (Mark 4:38) “Don’t you care if we drown?” They didn’t think he would actually calm the storm; they simply wanted him to join their bailing efforts! This was an “all hands on deck” situation and no one likes to watch someone else take a luxurious nap while they’re working hard! Misery loves company, as they say. But Jesus wasn’t about to join their drama. Jesus refused to be pulled in by their fear. He was not going to allow himself to be sucked in to their frenzy.
Mark 4:39 He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, "Quiet! Be still!" Then the wind died down and it was completely calm. NIV
I have heard my whole life that Jesus will bring calm to my storm. And he has, does & will continue to intervene in my life’s storms. But Jesus did not intend to calm storms for those disciples anymore. He said to them, “Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?" Faith to do what? FOR CALMING YOUR OWN STORM! Christ said that with faith we can move mountains; why couldn’t we calm a storm too? There is a beautiful song that I have sung for many years that says, “I know the Peace speaker. I know him by name.” I’ll sing the song many more times. It ministers & brings hope. But I have come to the conclusion that I do indeed “know the peace speaker.” I truly know the name of the “peace speaker”; for my life it is, Denee Elaine Richardson! For your life the peace speaker is none other than yourself.
The famous, King James Version phrase says, “Blessed are the peacemakers.” The Living Bible puts Matthew 5:9 like this, “Happy are those who strive for peace.” If we want a peaceful home we must use our God-given authority and demand it be so! When our children are fighting among themselves we have got to step into that storm and say, “Be quiet! Be still!” When we find ourselves continually bickering with our spouse we’ve got to tell them, “Be quiet!” NOT REALLY! (That would be the fight to end it all, for sure!) But you’ve truly got to tell someone to be quiet and still; yourself. You know one of the meanings of the word “peace” is, “to be friendly, to make amends, end, finish.” At some point you’ve got to face the facts that your marriage, your social life, or your work environment is one big storm and everybody is bailing frantically to save their own skin. That bailing comes out in spiteful words, or haughty looks. Its hard work and you may either be bailing along with everybody, or found a of a type of slumber, a way to tune everybody out. Well, your slumber just may be adding to the problem. Don’t bail and don’t sleep. Instead walk to the front of that ship and say “Be quiet!” by sending a note of appreciation to a co-worker. Say “Be still.” with flowers and an apology to a spouse. Demand peace by playing a game with your children. Strive for peace by humbling yourself.
Happy are those who STRIVE for peace. Indeed, creating a peaceful environment requires some work. You will have to exert yourself vigorously. You’ll have to try hard. The job is sometimes strenuous. But the end result is happiness.
Jesus will bring peace to your storm, but so can you.
Saturday, January 24, 2009
A Long Thought About Divorce
I’ve always wondered why the scripture didn’t spell out in detail why “God hates divorce”. (Malachi 2:16) From this passage we can know surely because divorce is a violent act. (This chapter uses the words “treacherous” & “violence”. Ooooo.) But I have been living in a country plagued with divorce long enough to figure that there are other reasons besides how a woman is treated to hate divorce. I shall now offer my humble opinion:
1. The “violence” to the spouse.
Today’s spouse may say of the other, “I don’t love them anymore. They don’t love me.” & that is sufficient grounds for a divorce. After all, should that person have to live in a home where love is not given? Should that person be required to resist all happiness that stems from the realm of romance?
Malachi chapter two lets us know that divorce is a sparkly, pretty cloth. Its “legal” & that makes it alright. It’s a perfect covering for the ugly, gory, bloody ripping apart of a marriage.
I’ve NEVER seen a divorce be nonchalant. Even for the spouse that the scripture gave them a “right” to divorce. (Matthew 19:9 “except it be for fornication”.) Even for that one who is disgusted by their spouse's choices of immorality. Even they are left mutilated by the ravages of divorce.
2. The affect on the children.
Need I say more?! I’ve seen children live with fighting, brawling parents turn out with a stronger disposition & greater confidence than kids who’ve gone through a divorce. (I don’t mean physical fights. I mean loud, shouting matches.) I’m not saying that it’s a good thing for children to have to live in an environment where parents yell at & degrade each other all the time. But I am saying that as difficult as that is for a child, divorce is a million times worse. I don’t have enough time or space to go in to all the negative affects divorce has on kids… Thank God, I don’t have enough time or space.
3. The affect on extended family.
“Oh, what?! Are you kidding me? We’ve got to consider in-laws, & aunts, & cousins?”
Yep. And Nieces, and nephews… & the list goes on. Why is it no one ever thinks about how a sister-in-law is going to explain to her children why Uncle won’t be around the tree for Christmas? The ideas divorce conveys concerning lack of worth in astounding. We instill in people’s mind that they are unvalued when they are “just a niece”, or “her grandparents”, or “his Aunt”. These people are FAM-I-LY! They have spend time worrying about you. If you’re lucky enough, praying for you. They spend time, when they could be living care-free, pondering your difficulties! I read sometime ago about a certain culture (I wish I could remember who this was!) that the couple’s first month of marriage was spent moving from house to house of their new family. They’d spend a week with Uncle Joe, a few nights at a cousin's, a week with the parents or grandparents. The purpose of this was to instill the understanding in the young couple’s mind that they were a part of something much bigger than themselves. They were not two independent decision makers. Everything they did affected the entire family. How true it is!
4. The future family.
So, you just HAVE to divorce that lousy, no-good-for-nothin' spouse. And life is going to be PERFECT with your soul-mate, who is out there, somewhere, right now looking for you!
This stems from a phone call I received many years ago. My friend who had been in an unhappy, selfish marriage, was divorced by her husband (who had been cheating on her!) She was now remarried to a man who literally served her. They are still married and he is a joy to behold. His love for her is like Christ’s love for the church, truly. I answered the phone with the normal, “Hello?” and the first words I heard were a sobbed out,
“Now I know why God hates divorce!”
She commenced to tell me all about her husband’s ex-wife’s annoyances. The jealousies she felt toward this woman. The trials of dealing with “his & mine”. Before she had to concern herself with getting her children to two sets of grandparents houses for holidays, now she delicately scheduled the kids to be at FOUR sets of grandparents! Of course sometimes “his ex” was responsible for getting “his” kids to "her" parents, but if it wasn’t on the exact day they wanted it was a big fight. The children were played like pieces on a chess board.
After listening for quite some time I had the audacity to open my big trap & say, “I hate to tell you this, but once your grandkids come you’ll be dealing with “his ex” even more!”
I should have been shot on the spot for that remark.
But its true! In the moment, all a suffering spouse can think of is getting a divorce. “Surely a divorce will make life peaceful again! Surely a divorce will allow some joy to enter my life again!”
Perhaps there will be happiness again. But with that happiness may come even more difficult surroundings.
So, is a person to stay in an abusive marriage? NO! NO! NO! Leave that spouse TODAY and go get some help and protection.
Is a person to stay in a loveless marriage?
…maybe.
You should weigh out all the possibilities and decide which ones you can live with best.
Most importantly, make sure that you study the scripture to know what God has to say about divorce. After all, crossing my opinions is no big deal. I won’t strike you with lightening. I won’t write nasty things about you. I’ll just let you go on… being WRONG! (just kidding.)
But seriously, you don’t want to cross God’s opinions. Will he strike you with lightening? Will he write nasty things about you? Truly, the Bible does show him doing that sometimes, but I don’t imagine him to do that to you. However, it may make it harder in your own mind to have an open relationship with your Creator; and personally, there is no punishment harder to deal with than that.
1. The “violence” to the spouse.
Today’s spouse may say of the other, “I don’t love them anymore. They don’t love me.” & that is sufficient grounds for a divorce. After all, should that person have to live in a home where love is not given? Should that person be required to resist all happiness that stems from the realm of romance?
Malachi chapter two lets us know that divorce is a sparkly, pretty cloth. Its “legal” & that makes it alright. It’s a perfect covering for the ugly, gory, bloody ripping apart of a marriage.
I’ve NEVER seen a divorce be nonchalant. Even for the spouse that the scripture gave them a “right” to divorce. (Matthew 19:9 “except it be for fornication”.) Even for that one who is disgusted by their spouse's choices of immorality. Even they are left mutilated by the ravages of divorce.
2. The affect on the children.
Need I say more?! I’ve seen children live with fighting, brawling parents turn out with a stronger disposition & greater confidence than kids who’ve gone through a divorce. (I don’t mean physical fights. I mean loud, shouting matches.) I’m not saying that it’s a good thing for children to have to live in an environment where parents yell at & degrade each other all the time. But I am saying that as difficult as that is for a child, divorce is a million times worse. I don’t have enough time or space to go in to all the negative affects divorce has on kids… Thank God, I don’t have enough time or space.
3. The affect on extended family.
“Oh, what?! Are you kidding me? We’ve got to consider in-laws, & aunts, & cousins?”
Yep. And Nieces, and nephews… & the list goes on. Why is it no one ever thinks about how a sister-in-law is going to explain to her children why Uncle won’t be around the tree for Christmas? The ideas divorce conveys concerning lack of worth in astounding. We instill in people’s mind that they are unvalued when they are “just a niece”, or “her grandparents”, or “his Aunt”. These people are FAM-I-LY! They have spend time worrying about you. If you’re lucky enough, praying for you. They spend time, when they could be living care-free, pondering your difficulties! I read sometime ago about a certain culture (I wish I could remember who this was!) that the couple’s first month of marriage was spent moving from house to house of their new family. They’d spend a week with Uncle Joe, a few nights at a cousin's, a week with the parents or grandparents. The purpose of this was to instill the understanding in the young couple’s mind that they were a part of something much bigger than themselves. They were not two independent decision makers. Everything they did affected the entire family. How true it is!
4. The future family.
So, you just HAVE to divorce that lousy, no-good-for-nothin' spouse. And life is going to be PERFECT with your soul-mate, who is out there, somewhere, right now looking for you!
This stems from a phone call I received many years ago. My friend who had been in an unhappy, selfish marriage, was divorced by her husband (who had been cheating on her!) She was now remarried to a man who literally served her. They are still married and he is a joy to behold. His love for her is like Christ’s love for the church, truly. I answered the phone with the normal, “Hello?” and the first words I heard were a sobbed out,
“Now I know why God hates divorce!”
She commenced to tell me all about her husband’s ex-wife’s annoyances. The jealousies she felt toward this woman. The trials of dealing with “his & mine”. Before she had to concern herself with getting her children to two sets of grandparents houses for holidays, now she delicately scheduled the kids to be at FOUR sets of grandparents! Of course sometimes “his ex” was responsible for getting “his” kids to "her" parents, but if it wasn’t on the exact day they wanted it was a big fight. The children were played like pieces on a chess board.
After listening for quite some time I had the audacity to open my big trap & say, “I hate to tell you this, but once your grandkids come you’ll be dealing with “his ex” even more!”
I should have been shot on the spot for that remark.
But its true! In the moment, all a suffering spouse can think of is getting a divorce. “Surely a divorce will make life peaceful again! Surely a divorce will allow some joy to enter my life again!”
Perhaps there will be happiness again. But with that happiness may come even more difficult surroundings.
So, is a person to stay in an abusive marriage? NO! NO! NO! Leave that spouse TODAY and go get some help and protection.
Is a person to stay in a loveless marriage?
…maybe.
You should weigh out all the possibilities and decide which ones you can live with best.
Most importantly, make sure that you study the scripture to know what God has to say about divorce. After all, crossing my opinions is no big deal. I won’t strike you with lightening. I won’t write nasty things about you. I’ll just let you go on… being WRONG! (just kidding.)
But seriously, you don’t want to cross God’s opinions. Will he strike you with lightening? Will he write nasty things about you? Truly, the Bible does show him doing that sometimes, but I don’t imagine him to do that to you. However, it may make it harder in your own mind to have an open relationship with your Creator; and personally, there is no punishment harder to deal with than that.
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