A Tribute To Lola Roehm Richardson

Of all the flavors and varieties of people on this earth Lola had incredibly deep respect for those fellow human beings with a handicap, most particularly, those that faced life with tranquility in spite of their more difficult circumstance. Lola never did realize how special she really was.

She was born to a mother who had been in labor for so long she had passed out into a comatose state. (Or the doctors put her there, either way, she was out cold when the baby was born & for some time after.) She awoke to find that she had given the world a baby girl and her husband had dutifully named their firstborn after both their mothers, Bessie Lola. Both Lola and her mother, (who also happened to be named Lola) hated the name, Bessie.

Lola was a bright child who excelled in school. But she was not merely a "book-worm". She was a real, honest-to-goodness girly-girl, through and through. She loved lovely things. She delighted over fancy things. She couldn't resist soft things. As a matter of fact, one day as she was leaving school she discovered the most unique plant she had ever seen; it had rounded edges, no leaves, and was covered in the most sumptuous, irresistible fur. Wanting to take in the fur to its full extent she intended to rub that silky fur and grabbed the plant with both, wide open hands... only to learn what a cactus was! BOTH her hands were covered in the tiny needles and it took a very long time to extract them all.

Lola loved her children with the same abandon she displayed toward that cactus; her whole heart. She told me a story about how after her divorce from my husband's dad she began to see another man. She truly liked being with this man and entertained the thought of remarriage. One day she was in a car with her boyfriend and her son. Her little son did what I've seen countless boys do, he put his feet up on the dashboard. The scolding that she watched her son receive from her boyfriend grieved her greatly and she stopped seeing that man. Was she happier because of her decision? She thought so when she told me the story. Did her son turn out to be a better person because she put him before her own romance. I really believe so. I've seen so many single mothers desperate for a man to depend on sacrifice her children's confidence and futures on the altar of temporary romance.

Lola took great pride in her education. She earned her Masters degree while rearing two children alone. She taught elementary school for over thirty years. She was favored by the schools she worked for, she was admired by the interns lucky enough to work in her classroom, she was appreciated by her peers, and her children loved her. She was also an accomplished musician, singer, and music teacher. She had many piano students who will likely be playing in their respective churches this Sunday. There are many praise and worship singers in various churches who sang their first solo in her children's choir. Her love for music went beyond today's culture of ear buds stuck in our ears, blocking the world out. Her love for music was displayed by touching it as she did that cactus, all over, with wide-open hands, experiencing it to its fullest.

She was adamantly against abortion. Long before I knew her she had an abortion*. I sat in the backseat of a taxi with her once and she told me with tears in her eyes of her regret at having that abortion. She said, "When I look at Christian and Robin now and see how special they are I can't help wondering what my other two children would have been like." She's the only person who's ever talked to me candidly about her experience in having an abortion. She has convinced me of its evil.

Christian and Robin. Her two crowning achievements. She raised them on her own. It was never easy. Early in my husband's life he talks of the various homes they lived in, unlike myself who has lived in four houses my entire life. They have very few school portraits because she would always forget to turn the slip in with the check to get the pictures back. Christian says that their house was always messy. These are the things that blocked Lola from realizing how special she really was all along. As far as she was concerned everyone she worked with had a sparkling home with the Good Housekeeping stamp of approval. She truly thought that every other parent was kinder to their children than she was. From her vantage point no one else ever had their electricity turned off. Her outlook of mankind was in general so positive that she felt she could never live up to their standards. Little did she realize that, messy house and all, she was far exceeding the average qua.

Christian moved to central Florida to be with me and we started our family. Robin's husband is an engineer for GE and consequently they have lived in various states. (Each of Robin's four children were born in their own state!) Lola created the most amazing, magical moments for our families when she brought us together for Kousin Kamp. She got the idea from Focus on the Family. Every Summer all the grandkids came to her house. (The first year there were four grandkids, there ended up being six!) They had such a great time with their grandmommy! She made them all matching shirts with their names on them. Christian always stayed at her house to help; he was the Kamp Kounselor! Robin and I had what we dubbed "Sister-in-law camp". If a child was wearing diapers they were too young to be at Kousin Kamp, so they stayed with us. Those are memories that are deep-seated in me. They conjure the best of emotions and sense of belonging.

One day Christian received a call from the pastor's wife where Lola was one of the music directors. Evidently, while in the middle of playing the Hallelujah! Chorus in a church service she stopped. She simply could not play anymore. To my knowledge she never played the piano again. We rushed to Pensacola where she lived. Robin, Christian, and Lola's two sisters, Helen and Jaye, spent months with various specialists trying to come up with a diagnosis. She had a very rare degenerative brain disease called, Progressive Supranuclear Palsy.

We watched Lola, in the last five years of her life become the person she always admired; a handicapped person who faced life with amazing peace. Don't get me wrong, she was stubborn and independent, both qualities that make care-taking difficult. But mad at God? No. Sad and depressed? No. When Lola passed from this life she was found lying on her side, in her most comfortable position in her own bed, in her own house. Her face was relaxed and peaceful.

February 13th, 2009, marked one year since her passing. It feels like its been five years since she left us. I truly miss her. But I see her clap her hands when I watch my daughter stand in choir and clap. I hear her teach when I listen to my husband explain mathematics or grammar to our children. Her voice will still echo through my thoughts critiquing something, and her giggle somehow is heard when my son says something funny.

...Oh yeah, and when I walk through my messy house I know it doesn't mean I'm a loser; it just means I have a lot on my plate.

Thank you, Lola.

*I can't remember if Lola told me she had two abortions or one abortion and one miscarriage. To her they were both traumatic.

What Miracles God Hath Wrought, Resurrection

My maternal grandmother was a full-time worshipper. But she was also a full-time praiser. When I tell you that she would squeal and dance everywhere, I do mean everywhere; grocery store, city bus, parking lots, amusement parks... Nothing was off-limits. All she had to do was start thinking about how good God was, or start humming a church song and after a chorus or two she'd delve into an old fashioned, pentecostal "fit"! I was nine years old when she died but I clearly remember helping my mom pick up her purse and its scattered belongings in various public places. (In her "spin dance" her purse would fling off her arm!)

Nellie Mae Butler had the grace to live in the era pre-birth control and she birthed fourteen children! No twins, just one baby after the other. (She raised 15 children because she took in her deceased sister's son.) All of her children knew the "get mom's purse" drill when she started dancing. They also had a system for guiding her out of the public eye if they could! They'd just surround her and start walking, she had no choice but to dance her way into the house if she was in the yard, or to the car if she was in the parking lot! One of the time I remember picking up her purse and its insides from the parking lot was right after she had her blood pressure checked. The nurse commented on how good it was for a woman her age. That was all it took! Nellie started telling her about how her health was attributed to God. How God had protected her so many times! How God had healed her and given her grace to face tragedy. She was telling my mother about the conversation when the joy of her God overwhelmed her and off she went!

However, tragedy is not held at bay merely because people are happy, thankful, or good people. One day Nellie was riding in a car along with some other people. There was no air conditioning in the car so the windows were rolled down. This was in the late 40's or early 50's so car seats for babies and children were unheard of. Nellie's newest child, Earl, was being held in the backseat. As they were crossing an intersection a person ran a stop sign and hit them square in the side, causing Baby Earl to fly out of the opened window and smash into the curb. It was a terrible wreck. Earl died on impact.

Nellie ran to the curb and picked up her baby. People gathered around. Emergency vehicles began to arrive. A police officer had confirmed that all hope was gone and they left the grieving mother her last few minutes to hold her baby. With tears streaming down her face Nellie told her God, "You've given me 12 healthy children. You've never taken any from me. If you want to take this one you can. I will love you anyway."

By surrendering her baby to God she was surrendering her own happiness. She was sacrificing her own emotions and maternal instincts. Nellie was not praising this time, she was worshiping.

When she uttered, "I will love you anyway." A miracle happened; That baby gasped for breath! People went running in all directions to get help when they saw all was not lost! The policeman was in shock! My grandmother was in shock!

When the doctors at the hospital saw him their diagnosis was that he would "be a vegetable all his life." (They had such tactful lingo in those days!) They said he would not walk or talk. But they didn't know Nellie's God!

My Uncle Earl is alive and well to this day! He is a husband, father, and grandfather. He was in the top of his classes in school, he was a star football player in high school. Every job he's ever had he's been a favorite of his employers and has excelled to management. He never misses an opportunity to tell people about how he was resurrected from the dead!