Center of Focus

I've wanted to be a mother my whole life... I actually didn't play with baby dolls much when I was a little girl. I had them. But I only remember playing with them when my friends Dede & Suzy Hill came over. Now THEY were INTO dollies! They made playing with dolls fun! But when they'd leave my dolls would get put away and I'd go back to my staple pretend game, Barbies.

But as a tweenie & teen there were certain people I'd overhear talk about their children. I could hear the pride in their voices when they'd tell about their children's performances at recitals or plays. I could hear the worry in their tones when they'd confide to my mother something naughty their child had done. Overhearing these conversations gave me a sense that parenting was an adventure! A game! And my own parents made being a parent seem downright FUN! Every Monday was set aside for family time. I thought this was because they loved being with us kids so much! And I'm sure they did, but as an adult with a busy schedule, & my own hobbies, & my own friends I can see that while they did enjoy the family time, it was more so an act of responsibility than merely pleasure. But they really made being a parent look so fun!

My parents made a bike rental day where my 9 year old brother got so angry at the strain of the GA hills that he literally chucked his bike in the ditch seem like so much fun! They made treating a sick child seem so effortless. We called my dad "Dr Varnum" because he always did such a great job tending to our boo-boos. They made handling rebellion seem like a walk in the park. They made teaching their children to work for God seem like a no-brainer.

I had some really great ideas planted in my mind about parenthood from the very beginning of my life.

Now I'm a parent.

It's haaaard! [so said with a whine]

To have a human being in your care that you have to navigate from birth to adulthood without planting seeds of negativity, without teaching them your bad traits, without being a wimp... Whew! I need a nap!

In truth I've LOVED every stage of parenting. When they were newborns I embraced all the difficulties of it. I didn't fight it. I loved nursing, I loved diapers, I loved rocking. I loved, loved, loved teaching those babies! It was astounding to me how I could write ANYTHING on those clean slates! I used sign language with them, and they signed right back! I never spoke "baby talk" to my kids. Straight, clear pronunciation. And when they started talking and began enunciating ev-er-y syllable I was SO proud! I didn't want them to think prayer was a bunch of meaningless repetition so I prayed very clear prayers in front of them, that's what they prayed right back. I could go on & on but I'll spare you.

I was pondering yesterday what is hard about raising children. Why do some parents seem to do it so effortlessly and others seem to struggle with it. Truth is I don't know exactly! (I know that surprises you because you thought I was the parent guru. NOT!) But I DO KNOW what's made it hard at times for me; lack of focus.

As long as my kids are in the center of my focus and life as it happens is in my peripheral, then I do a pretty good job and my kids thrive the best. But when I let work, friends, travel, money, and any of the other millions of things that can distract us take center stage, parenting gets hard.

I think this happens because we teach our children a few things, they seem to be on a roll, working their newly learned habits with the consistency of a clock, then we think, "Ok. They've got this!" And we start letting our focus turn to a hobby, or a social life, or a personal goal... Then that clock-work-über-responsible child makes a "splash" with a bad text, or trouble in school, or a relationship and we're suddenly dealing with clean up wondering where we went wrong and why parenting is so hard!

Am I saying that we parents can't fulfill the needs in our life? Am I saying we shouldn't have a social life, or shouldn't pursue lifelong dreams? Absolutely NOT!

But I am saying that we should have a system in place that consistently, daily brings our focus back to our children. My parents were amazing at this! They involved us in the pursuit of their dreams and life goals! My mother is a singer, but she didn't just sing. She would bring me on the stage with her as a three year old to sing a verse and a chorus. My dad is a preacher. He didn't just preach. He took us with him all over the country. He'd ask us... US... We five and nine year olds, "What should I preach?" Did we LIKE going to camp meeting after camp meeting in our summers? Actually, yes. But not because we were so spiritual we loved church night after night. It was because my parents would take us to the closest amusement park, or outdoor drama. And did we like that as a pastor everybody-and-their-brother had our dad's time at the ring of a phone? Honestly, my parents did such a great job keeping us their focus that we didn't realize it.

So as my children delve deeper into their teenage years I'm taking this time to remind myself that being a parent isn't what's hard. Keeping them as the center of my focus is what's hard. Go to college, write a book, start a company, be a superhero if you want to! But let's not forget that our greatest sense of satisfaction, or our most profound sense of loss is wrapped up tightly, woven inexplicably in those offspring of ours.

So make them think parenting is the most amazing experience in our lives. Let's make our babies, our toddlers, our tweenies, and teens feel that the most exciting part of their life will not be making money, or starting corporations, or recording CDs... But that there's NOTHING cooler and more fulfilling in the WORLD than being a parent.

...because of course, there isn't.

What Are You Packing?

John 6:5-11
5 When Jesus looked up and saw a great crowd coming toward him, he said to Philip, "Where shall we buy bread for these people to eat?" 6 He asked this only to test him, for he already had in mind what he was going to do.

7 Philip answered him, "Eight months' wages would not buy enough bread for each one to have a bite!"

8 Another of his disciples, Andrew, Simon Peter's brother, spoke up, 9 "Here is a boy with five small barley loaves and two small fish, but how far will they go among so many?"

10 Jesus said, "Have the people sit down." There was plenty of grass in that place, and the men sat down, about five thousand of them. 11 Jesus then took the loaves, gave thanks, and distributed to those who were seated as much as they wanted. He did the same with the fish.

12 When they had all had enough to eat, he said to his disciples, "Gather the pieces that are left over. Let nothing be wasted." 13 So they gathered them and filled twelve baskets with the pieces of the five barley loaves left over by those who had eaten.
NIV
One of the reasons I like homeschooling is that I don’t have to pack Morgan’s lunch everyday. A petty reason to homeschool indeed, and certainly not the only reason I do, but the fact remains that I do not like to pack lunches. There’s no sense in packing left-overs, the reason they’re left-overs is because my family didn’t like it in the first place! Then I pack “kid-friendly”, albeit chemical-full, prepared lunches. They like these, until they see some other kid’s lunch, instantly making theirs unsatisfactory. So, now a morning ritual that shouldn’t cause a second thought is suddenly a stressful “event”:
“Are the teacher’s going to approve of the nutritional content?”
“Will the other student’s ridicule my kid’s lunch?”
“Will other children find my child’s lunch trade-worthy?”
Alright, so I stress too much over my kid’s lunch! The point is that lunch is an “event” every morning for every mother with a child in school.

In our day of understanding salmonella poisoning, fish is the last thing we’d pack. But there was a day when a certain mom could think of nothing better to pack than fish and barley loaves. Perhaps the kid was a real eater. FIVE loaves and TWO fish?! Or maybe he didn’t eat so much, but perhaps she packed enough for him to share with a couple people nearby. Imagine her surprise that evening as she heard how SHE ended up feeding more than five thousand people! And we don’t even know her name.

I’ve got to pose this question to you today: What are you putting in your child’s basket? No, I’m not talking about food. I’m talking about what you are instilling in your child that God will use someday? Are you teaching your child the art of sharing? Are you teaching your child how to speak politely to strangers? Are you teaching your child submission to authority? These things may seem small and insignificant to you, just as that mother’s fish and bread must have seemed. And unfortunately, because they seem so small its real easy to a long time without making sure our children are functioning properly. But if you’ll do your best even on the “small” things you’ll find God using your child to accomplish big things thru your daily contributions into your child’s brain. What you put in your child’s basket today makes the possibilities of tomorrow amazing!

So, what are you packing?

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Richardson Family Bible study, 1/26/09

Tonight’s family Bible study had so many wonderful moments; I laughed, I cried; I truly enjoyed myself.

We started our Bible study tonight before having dinner and the kids were “starving”. So as soon as the burgers were finished we took an intermission. Leading up to that intermission Christian taught how God did not accept Cain’s offering, how he accepted Abel’s because it was a blood sacrifice. (We assume it was because Abel’s was a blood sacrifice.) Christian taught how Jesus would be that ultimate, perfect blood offering to atone for all our sins. Morgan came alive at this point! She said, “Oh, now I know why when the soldiers pierced Jesus’ side blood and water came out! The water was like a spiritual picture of water baptism!”

Thank God for a spirit of revelation right in our living room!

After our Burger Break we were back, bursting with questions and comments. At one point Madison asked in a shocked, disgusted tone, “Do you mean Ham had to marry his sister?!”
I fell over laughing as Morgan, very haughtily said, “No! They didn’t get married Madison, they just slept together.”
Of course Christian brought as all back on track by saying, “First of all, Ham already had a wife. It was Cain and Abel who married their sister. And they did get married.”
The last of that conversation was Morgan saying, “Stop laughing, Mommy.”

When Christian told us that even after the flood people still disobeyed God. Christian said, “humans began to wander further and further from God. Madison shook his head and said, “I’m not gonna ever leave God.”

That brought about the “I cried” part.

After the Bible study we all went our separate ways to get ready for bed. The final words we heard as our daughter, Morgan, rounded the corner upstairs, out of our sight was, “I love the Word!”